Awe

 As I am starting to read a new book that was given to me by a good friend I realize I have a "AWN problem". You are probably asking what is that?! My AWE is miss placed. Our Awe should only be centered on the God of the universe but instead for over a year my awe has been placed in the desire that I have found the one made for me, be married and live according to God's design.
While this desire is not altogether bad, actually it is good to want to live out Gods design and His will, however it has consumed me and taking the place of God. That's the problem.
I've found who I believe may be the one created for me but God will not share His position and therefore has told me to let go (completely!) and trust the relationship and my future to Him. No questions asked. Just let go. This is solely to get me to fully trust Him because I have not. I tried to step in and do the work and left Him to the side. He says He will have no other gods before Him and He means it. I know He is doing this for my good and His glory. As each day goes by and I surrender fully to Him I do have more peace and the joy is coming back.
Do I miss the relationship? Of course. This man is everything I want.  We have a connection of companionship, trust, friendship, attraction, respect.... Even the things we don't agree on we talk through. But he's not ready to commit and I'm not willing to be 'just friends'.  So we are stuck. But God has to be more to me in this. So instead of forcing a square peg into a round hole I'm choosing to step out of the relationship and put my full trust in what God is going to do (in me). This is hard!! The easy thing would be just stay and pretend or do my best to try and not give in to what I want but that will leave us both in a hurtful place. Me because it isn't fair to ask me to feel differently and for him because of the same.
It's made me really just question God and why He would have us meet, everything be so great, just to take it away. His reply? "My ways are not your ways, my thoughts not yours ..." So true...
So trust without knowing I must! He's the God of the universe! If I can't trust Him then I have a big problem. My awe problem. :-)

You can refer to 'Awe' by Paul David Tripp. Good book!