I do not write as much as I used to. I find myself in a daze most of the time, just getting by day to day. I get things done but that seems to be all. I recently realize that I am just letting life pass by, not really "living" like I once did. Where has the passion for living gone? Have I been so consumed by life's everyday surviving that I have missed actually living? I think so. The last year has been a survival mode. Living with a teen that has been out of control and coming off of a year of just major trauma and emotion has left me "dull" for lack of a better word.
So am I crazy for looking now for the next big thing in our lives to wake me up out of this dull state? Or do I need to be crazy in love with The God of the universe that has created me for His purpose?
I am in the middle of reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It is an awesome read that has really made me question where my faith is at the moment. I can tell you right now this moment, my faith is stale. Just dull, boring, getting up each day, getting through the day then going to sleep DULL! Where has my passion for life and for Christ gone? Does the world have the power to make our lives lukewarm so we are not powerful in the cause of Christ? I think I am proof it does. I should not have to go through major traumatic events to be on fire for The Lord. It should be a daily occurrence. I want to wake up, jumping out of bed running to spend time with God and eagerly listening to what He has to tell me.
I am so tired of just surviving. I do not want to just get through each day. I want to LIVE abundantly in His grace and mercy. Showing the world that living for our Lord is the only way to truly live. This is not a change that can happen overnight. I know it is going to take being in God's Word daily and actively doing what He calls me to do. Prayer is going to be even more important than ever, and my prayer life over the last 9 months has been terrible. It is like I do not know how to talk to God anymore. I am thankful He never forgets how to talk to me.
So it is time to get crazy.... crazy in love with my Father God.
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