I think we get a chance in this life, if we are blessed, to really see God for who He is. Maybe I should say if we are paying attention and are looking for it. Through the years the words "forgiveness" and "grace" have been at the forefront of what God has been working on in my renewal process. I often feel like I sound like some "preachy" bible thumper but if people really knew me, knew my heart, maybe they would see that it is what I believe, what I know to be true. Jesus is the way, the truth and only through Him can life really have peace and meaning. I know we go through tough things in life, hey after the year I have had...I know it, BUT Jesus knew from the beginning what we would go through and He prepared the way. I know the person I was seven years ago, five years ago... even the person I was yesterday. The great thing is, Jesus knew that woman too and He forgave me and gave me new life, He transformed me into what I see in the mirror. When I wake up in the mornings....it is Him that breaths life into my lungs.
This past year has been a complete mess. One thing after another, one hurt after another....but today it is wiped away, today I am made new and Christ Himself has healed my heart and He is working to heal my mind of the past hurts and move forward looking towards heaven and what lies ahead in a life abundant, a life filled as it can only be, with Jesus. He is the reason I live. He is the reason I love my children more, love my family more. He is the reason I have friends surrounding me. He is the reason that I know tomorrow is going to be good, even if there is a mountain to climb. He is the one that can help me to love those that, in my flesh, I could not. I want to ....no I desire more than anything, to be more like Jesus today and all the days that come. I know only He can change this person I am and continue to work the things of my life out to His glory and my good.
My children and I have survived a devastating loss in our lives. In just a little over a week it will be one year we loss their father. It is something I have never thought we would ever deal with. It was only a year and 1/2 prior that we were divorced after a 10year marriage and that was a devastation as well. I still have thoughts that I have to stop and remember , he is gone. There is a broken part of my heart that is still trying to mend. I know without a deep, real, personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I would have never been able to handle all that has hit us in the last few years and especially the last year.
Today our oldest son received his dad's car and my heart melted as this is yet another milestone that his dad should be here for.... I know there are going to continue to be times I am reminded of that fact and I look to my faith in Christ to help me through it.
I sat and prayed and took time to just praise my God. Praise Him that He allowed me to go through this, that He allowed me to be broken to build me to His specifications, that He allows me to go through the fire to be refined with His protection. I get it, He loves me enough to ALLOW me to go through what it will take to get me to run to Him. Lord, I love you, only you know how much. Refine me to your specifications, that I will shine to reflect your son, Jesus. It is in His name that I pray, AMEN!
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